Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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