Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
