You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
