the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
