I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
