I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
