The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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