hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
