and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
