how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
