my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
