Screwed.edu
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm always down for nudity.
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