Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Sorry about my life...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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