Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
