just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Holy sore nipples Batman
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
