If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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