never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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