just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
