If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
