I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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