he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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