My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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