I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
where does the pee come out of this thing
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We left the knife in your bed.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
