I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
