I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
