Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
