you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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