They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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