He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
