By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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