I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
