Screwed.edu
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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