I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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