I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
