im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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