How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize