it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
