This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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