24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Two words: blizzard sex
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
