I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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