You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
