the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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