I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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