I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
