I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
