Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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