Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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