I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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