how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
