I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Your penis caused this!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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