Don't you send me to vm
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
