you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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