Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
