And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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