honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
