the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize