I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
