I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize