Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
