I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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