you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Alive.
So much puke
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
