you didnt know i had herpes?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
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