Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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