go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
